Little Miss Muffet – The True Story
All Dolled Up issued a summer challenge to its members: to make a doll inspired by a nursery rhyme. I chose “Little Miss Muffet” as the nursery rhyme, but I did not choose to do Little Miss Muffet as my doll. Instead, I did the spider, Miss Aranea Arachnid, and her lawyer Magnus Pie (a magpie). I wrote a little story to accompany the dolls.
The Case of LIttle Miss Muffet Versus Miss Aranea Arachnid
Miss Aranea Arachnid is on trial for assault of Miss Muffet which Miss Muffet alleges resulted in her suffering psychological trauma.
Miss Muffet claims that she is too traumatized to testify.
The only witness a M. Goose had this to say
“Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.”
The defence counsel Magnus Pie, Esquire’s summation to the jury was as follows:
Esteemed members of the jury, I hope that you will put aside your prejudices against the much maligned Arachnid family and judge this case solely on its merits.
This is clearly a case of racial profiling. Miss Aranea Arachnid was simply minding her own business and clearly not engaging in any confrontational or threatening activities when the so-called assault occurred. The scene of the alleged crime – the tuffet – belongs to the defendant, Miss Arachnid and she was in residence when Miss Muffet invaded her territory, clumped herself down, and proceeded to eat her curds and whey. In so doing she narrowly missed murdering my client. Miss Arachnid in fact suffered a concussion when Miss Muffet’s skirts thundered down on top of her. Barely conscious, she crawled out from under Miss Muffet’s petticoats and proceeded towards what she thought was her web. At this point she was seen by Miss Muffet who dropped her curds and whey, narrowly missing bludgeoning my client again and left the scene of the crime.
Aranea, that is, Miss Arachnid, still suffers from headaches, a lingering symptom of her injuries.
The prosecution has not been able to present any evidence that Miss Arachnid displayed any threatening behaviour towards Miss Muffet or anyone else for that matter. Miss Muffet clearly had no business being anywhere near Miss Arachnid’s tuffet and any psychological trauma she may have suffered from this incident is not the fault of my client but due entirely to Miss Muffet’s own actions and to her extreme prejudice against members of my client’s family.
The evidence presented clearly exonerates Miss Aranea Arachnid and I believe that you, venerable members of the jury, after careful consideration of the facts can only find Miss Aranea Arachnid NOT Guilty of all charges.
The nursery rhyme, Little Miss Muffet, is quoted from I. Opie and P. Opie, The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1951, 2nd ed, 1997), pp 323-4 via wikipedia.org